My dark side!

Published Thursday, September 08, 2005 by Bharath Sattanathan | E-mail this post

My dark side!

(Continuation of the post-The dark side & The dark side-revealed! please read them first to get an idea…)

Life is so strange, at least you feel so. The routes, goals and s&s will make you feel like that at least. It can look so simple when you look at someone else but when it comes to yours you will feel it the same way as everyone feels theirs is.

Feel as though I realize it every single day nowadays. May be it’s because of the dark side or maybe it’s not got anything with it at all, am not sure. I know it’s the face of life but solutions are preferable than thinking about the problems. Even now when I look back at those days (golden days?), my priorities were just three things a.cricket, b.cricket & c.cricket. I would spend about seven hours in a day on the cricket ground and remaining time thinking about the game or some related activity. Today when I came back from work I asked myself this question again & again. But this was the first time I asked that question to myself. What the f*** am I doing in ‘that’ office?. So many days others used to ask me. Am I doing the right thing, am I doing which I wanted to do all through my life? I wasn’t still sure. Being in a cricket field for eight hours delighted me more than working in an office for the same amount of time. I always wanted to be something different. Even on the field, I kept wickets for my college & club teams, I opened the bowling for the university, I opened the batting for my club, batted middle order in state games & also batted once number nine in a college game. I wanted to be a complete cricketer, like a complete man (Raymond’s kind). Was that possible? I often used to ask me, but every single there was someone inside to tell me, yes you can. After receiving the college sportsman of the year award from the best sports college in India why am I pursuing something else instead of taking up a career in sports?

I thought about this answer for few hours in fact few days. Yet I was not able to come up with an exactitude answer. Then all of a sudden I realized the moment of truth, it struck me hard. It was the routes, the s&s and more importantly the mind set of mine right from a very young age. That’s why I wrote about those things in the second part.

Certainly I feel wounded when I got out for ducks (that too often I used to get out hehe), very unlike this. The prior ones healed when I went into bat the next time & got some runs on the board but this wound’s bleeding would never stop eventhen I go into bat the next time…….

My dark side!

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